Dear Gov. Gav…

In Blog, Hustle Podcast by Eric ByrnesLeave a Comment

Yo dude it’s been a minute since we connected at the Balboa Cafe in our younger & wilder ass chasing, beer chugging years so thought I would drop you a few lines of friendly subjective advice while you still happen to be governor of the great state of California. 

These are obviously tough and “unprecedented” times so let me start out by saying as much as being the governor seems like a pretty cool job and all, I clearly realize the difficult position you are in and understand there is absolutely no way to please everyone. 

I also understand family ties and loyalty are some of the greatest qualities a man can ever possess, and although I fundamentally disagree with just about everything you and your people stand for, I commend your long time commitment to the San Francisco Elitist…

That said, I realize this may be tough to comprehend based on our current political environment, but this nation was actually founded on basic principles and civil liberties that have been the cornerstone of the republic since George Washington and the Continental Army sent the redcoats packing at Yorktown in 1781. 

As a matter of fact, it was that B.A.M.F (badass mother fucker) George himself that fired the first bullet from the front lines of the final Revolutionary War battle.  

It was a different time back then though, nothing was ever GIVEN and leaders actually had to get onto the battlefield and into the fight to EARN their political stripes. 

Speaking of front lines, while this state has been at war against a virus, it’s been AWESOME to see all of the people on the front lines step up and risk their well being for the greater good of humanity.  Hospital workers, firefighters, police officers and so many others have in many ways confirmed my faith in the fabric of the American people and my gratitude is infinite. 

I am definitely not ignorant to the magnitude of the virus’s harmful and devastating effects.  I know countless people who have attracted the virus and a college roommate of mine passed away with Covid.  

The battle is real, very REAL..  

The solution on the other hand is a bit more complex and how to best navigate our current world is still virtually unknown and highly debated.  

I get it… This is a “PlumpJacked” uptime because we simply don’t know the right plan of attack.  California has received more PPP loans and more PPP money than any other state, yet our businesses keep closing in record numbers. 

We have also been the most aggressive state when it has come to unconstitutional lockdown orders but somehow just last week we clock in with the highest number of daily Covid cases ever tallied in the United States… 

WTF 🤷‍♂️

Unfortunately, I don’t know what the best way to move forward is but there are a couple of things I do know that might be able to guide our path a bit… 

  1. Time is the most precious resource any of us will ever possess. 
  2. We all will die. 

One reason why I am so humbled and proud to be an American is because we have the freedom to choose how we want to spend our time while we are still blessed to be on this earth and living in this country.  

Put simply, state imposed mandated widespread lockdowns and stay at home orders are not only ineffective, but they are illegal and are also robbing so many people of the greatest right we will ever hold as human beings… The right to freely LIVE OUR LIVES. 

Taking away a business’s right to safely operate under protocol or a child’s right to in person education and outside play has devastated local economies and has literally taken LIFE away from our children.  

We officially now are in an entirely new fight against a virus that wasn’t created in a lab in Wuhan, but rather I imagine it was drummed up in the capital building in Sacramento, a winery in Napa or maybe even the French Laundry.  This new fictitious yet powerful virus is killing businesses at an alarming rate and deteriorating the mental health of an entire state’s population.

Good news though! This virus isn’t nearly as complex as “The Vid” and it can actually be eradicated in a single day with logic and prevailing commonsense.  

The problem is that in order to find the cure we are going to have to understand it, and in order for us to understand it, we are going to have to get into the trenches to realize what these shutdowns are doing to businesses, workers, schools, teachers, parents and most importantly our kids. 

I grew up on the Peninsula but as I have traveled the world in my days and people asked me where I was from, I proudly would always tell them San Francisco… The beauty and quirkiness of the culturally diverse city was something I took great pride in but it pains me to say that is no longer the case.  Our once gorgeous and vibrant city that I couldn’t wait to tell people I was from has turned into an absolute shit hole that I avoid mention of unless it is to talk about how the poor city needs to be saved.  

San Francisco’s support for the homeless, mentally ill and drug addicts is a novel concept but facilitating their addictions by handing out over 4 million syringes each year is a disgusting joke.  What’s worse is not giving them any real path to recovery then allowing these people to die a slow death on the public streets.  This is NOT support, it’s apathy in its most pathetic and fucked up form imaginable.  

Skyrocketing vacancy rates, deteriorating real estate prices, needle and feces infested streets along with the plethora of mentally deranged individuals should probably tell us that whatever is going on in San Francisco just isn’t working. 

“The City” that used to be considered one of the most beautiful places in the world has quickly become known as the armpit of the state and some even say an ideal model for a failed socialist society. 

California does have an incredible streak going but unfortunately, this ain’t DiMaggio’s remarkable 56 game hit bender.  For several years in a row, a large contingent of nationwide CEOs has voted our Golden State the “worst state in which to do business.” 

We are losing roughly 2000 companies a year, hundreds of billions of dollars in capital funds and it’s not getting any better.  A few companies named Tesla, Oracle and HP are the 3 latest GIANTS to jump ship in case you haven’t heard. 

Good news is that we now have a few hundred million square feet of vacated real estate we could use for the homeless, or if we want to follow Oregon’s lead and legalize crack, then we can use the space to get some meth labs cranking.   

A report last Wednesday verified that for the third straight year California lost more people than we gained (which has never happened before), and from July 2019 to July 2020, 135,600 more people left the state than moved here.  As people of all races and economic backgrounds flee the state, we shouldn’t take the double bird they give us on the way out personally… 

It’s just business.🖕🖕

Yes, California is a beautiful place to live and I am not even going to bitch about the 13% income tax rate. I get it, we have to pay to play in this gorgeous place but with this astronomical tax rate why is it that so much of our overall infrastructure resembles that of a 3rd world country? 

The vast majority of California roads are suspect at best, most of our recreational parks are 40 years out of date and the expansive forest (which constitutes much of the state) is an issue any way we try to slice & dice it. 

As a matter of fact, the only form of consistency shown by the state besides our infamous “worst state to do business in” title has been our feeble effort to deforest and prevent the annual devastating wildfire season that seemingly has gotten worse and lasted longer every year. 

Ironically, these uncontrollable fires that kill way too many people and continue to leave thousands homeless each year have also polluted our air with so many toxins that they inevitably do way more harm to our environment than strategic and moderate deforestation ever would. 

Look dude, I am not a politician, I definitely don’t have all the answers for you and yes I do realize it is very easy to criticize from the stands.  

As a native Californian, I am writing this letter because I care immensely about this great state that still happens to be one of the most geographically desirable places on the planet.  

This isn’t just on you Gav, all Californians are responsible and we all need to take some form of accountability for the gigantic fucking failures that have driven this state into an out of control downhill spiral.   

That’s exactly why I’m going to leave you with a few lessons I have learned through life experiences predicated on my own countless mistakes and many failures… 

1. Actions speak way louder than words.  

Like the great Stoic Epictetus said.: “Don’t explain your philosophy, EMBODY IT.” 

2. Treat all people like adults, NOT children. 

The majority of American people and residents of California are fully functional human beings capable of getting a real job and even making decisions for themselves.  Telling a 4 year old to go to their room is OK, telling a 44 year old to do the same is NOT. 

3. All forms of bullying will be met with resistance, and yes, at the end of the day, the bully almost ALWAYS gets his ass kicked. 

Threatening to withhold federal and state funding from sheriff departments unwilling to enforce unconstitutional mandates is not only a horrific bullying tactic but it is fucking criminal. 

4. People have the ability to accept and understand failure, yet people have ZERO tolerance for hypocrisy.  

When we dig our own graves, the mob will gleefully bury us. 

To be totally honest, I don’t give two fucks about the French Laundry, you keeping your businesses open or your kids going to in person private school… This is America dude, the land of free choice and opportunity, but if you’re indulging in fine dining experiences while keeping your businesses open and your kids in school, it’s probably a good idea to give the residents of the state you preside over the exact same options. 

The 3 million dollars of government PPP loans your PlumpJack group received seems a bit alarming (considering some claim that it was 7 times more than what should have been distributed), but I’ll reserve judgment until I truly understand how this whole socialism thing works… 

5. Who we hang out and associate with has the potential to make or break us. 

Unwillingness to get out of our pretentious, self absorbed, self fulfilling isolated bubble will suffocate anybody and everybody stuck on the inside.  We will never be able to understand what’s happening on the field if we don’t ever get out of the fucking owner’s suite. 

Here’s the deal Gav… Stay humble, read the F*IT List, watch Diamond To The Rough, take a peek at the “Let Them Play Triathlon Across America” documentary, pick yourself up an LTP coffee table book, definitely get a #TeamGoHard Foot Reflexology board, lock in a No Filter Network channel, strategically chop down a few trees, somehow incentivize businesses to stay in state, open up the economy, allow in person school options, stay diligent in reasonable Covid safety protocols and for the love of CALIFORNIA and the mental health of all of us, including our children… LET THE KIDS PLAY!!!!! 

Most likely you are probably fucked at this point but if you follow the above steps there could be a small chance you survive the upcoming recall. 


– EB


P.S. Have you hopped on a Team GoHard Foot Reflexology Board yet?